Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.” Psalm 16:1-2
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure. Psalm 16:5-9
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11
I have spent most of my Christian life pursuing “ministry”, worship leading in particular. It has always led to rejection and pain.
Two years ago, my final attempts led to the most severe and hurtful rejection, following a terrible time of grief as God showed me the depth of deception in the church.
Since then I have been leading a quiet and fulfilled life, as God has led me into the most creative season of my entire life! He is teaching me! My home is filled with colour, in the form of flower arrangements and paintings. Songs and poems are pouring out of me, and I now have this blog!
I’m not “upfront” or recognised as anything in the church (I don’t go to church!) or the world, but I am learning the most important thing – it’s God’s acknowledgment and approval of me that matters! I sing to him! I create for his glory! And I’m truly as content as is possible without being with him in person.
“Ministry” as defined in the church doesn’t matter. Recognition by man doesn’t matter.
It’s our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ that matters! He is truly our everything! He loves us so much!
The following poem expresses this.
Your ways are life!
I humble myself before you,
for who am I?
Without you I am truly
All my futile endeavours
have led me to
frustration and anguish.
You didn’t allow me
in my own plans,
for you have desired
to use me for your purposes.
Your mercy is so great!
Without your restraining hand
I would have rushed ahead,
and my pride would have led me
to my destruction.
My desires weren’t yours.
They led me away
as I tumbled into darkness.
In your mercy and kindness,
with loving hands
you reached into me,
turned my heart towards you,
and cleansed me!
You are refining me,
making me a vessel for you!
You have shown me your ways,
and your ways