Struggling to forgive myself
I’ve been aware for a while now, that I find it difficult to forgive myself. I rehash old wrongdoings, then I repent of them again, but still feel bad about them.
For the last couple of days I’ve been seriously seeking the Lord about this, and in the process, I’ve learnt some interesting things.
Unforgiveness against myself has created a barrier between myself and God, and between myself and others. I’m inwardly hating myself, feeling shame, guilt, and regret, and I’m subconsciously thinking that God, and other people, feel the same way about me.
I feel I should have been able to do better, and that I deserve to be punished for what I’ve done. I may have repented a thousand times, but I still feel guilty and ashamed when I think about my failures.
Even when I’m not thinking about past sins, I’m still carrying around a burden of self hatred, guilt, shame, and many other accompanying negative emotions, and it has to be affecting my health and relationships.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
We are not meant to be carrying heavy burdens
If I have sincerely repented, then I have been forgiven, and I need to let go of what I’m holding against myself.
To be brutally honest with myself, I’m expecting myself to be perfect, when only God is perfect. It’s pride, as I’m believing that I should have done better, even thinking that I’m better than other people (the reason why I can forgive others but not myself).
I’m refusing God’s forgiveness of me.
I am a sinner, through and through. As a sinner, I will make mistakes. I will fail. I will hurt people. I will say and do the wrong things. This isn’t an excuse to deliberately sin, but I need to accept that, until I’m transformed at the rapture, I am imperfect.
When I sin, I need to repent, and to then accept God’s forgiveness.
Unbelief and Pride
By not accepting that I’m forgiven, I’m committing sins of unbelief and pride.
So how do I move on?
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.1John 1:9-10
I need to confess my pride and my unbelief.
I need to acknowledge that I’m a sinner, through and through.
I need to ask for forgiveness, then believe that I have been forgiven.
Thankfully and Joyfully Accept God’s Love, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Grace!
Accept my imperfection, and acknowledge my need for a Saviour.
Trust and believe that God is refining me. Trust in His perfect plan and timing, instead of setting up high expectations of myself.
Refuse to set myself up as a judge: God is my judge, and only God. He has proclaimed me as “Not Guilty”, so who am I to say I’m guilty?
Failure to Accept God’s Forgiveness Will Inevitably Hurt Others
If I can’t accept I’m forgiven, then can I truly forgive others? If I’m setting up high expectations of myself, then I will be inevitably setting up high expectations of others. If I’m thinking I should be perfect, then I’ll be expecting others to be perfect as well.
Do I really want to render Jesus’ sacrifice null and void?
Jesus died for me, taking the punishment I deserve upon himself. In doing so, he has provided the way for total forgiveness. Through repentance, I have been proclaimed “NOT GUILTY!”
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.2 Peter: 3:9
It’s time to walk in freedom!!!
Do you know Jesus?
Jesus died for each of us. If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, please see this post.