My Lament

Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by?
Look and see
if there is any sorrow like my sorrow,
which was brought upon me,
which the Lord inflicted
on the day of his fierce anger.
“From on high he sent fire;
into my bones he made it descend;
he spread a net for my feet;
he turned me back;
he has left me stunned,
faint all the day long.

Lam 1:12-13

This last month has been extremely difficult. My daughter, who has finished chemotherapy, had a double mastectomy. It was naturally devastating for me to watch her suffer so much.

In the operating theatre, her surgeon sang to her as she was being prepped, and her anaesthetist told her a story as she was put to sleep! I believe God was showing her his love through these wonderful people!

We were informed that the cancer hasn’t spread! Praise God!

I’ve realised I still have so much of my own trauma to process. I had breast cancer and two mastectomies over 20 years ago, and I didn’t grieve. I sense the pain has become locked in my body.

I’ve been studying Lamentations, and today I wrote my own “Lament”.

Oh Lord, you know
my sorrows have been immense.
They still weigh heavily upon me,
as my bones and muscles
scream with pain,
and I wearily spend my days
in a foggy blur.

I have so much to praise you for…..
so much to be thankful for!
Your hand is upon us, I know,
and you have answered so many prayers!

Yet the pain still clings, unrelenting.
I am so tired and uninspired.

How long, oh Lord, how long
until these burdens are lifted?
How long before you make
the crooked paths straight?
How long before I see
completion?

How long until you come
and gather us to yourself?

I long to see your face at last!
I long to be with you!
All that now weighs me down
will cease to exist.
I will live in total freedom
in your love…..
in you!