He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Rev 21:4
Will I be ready?
My heart is heavy, my body is aching, and I am exhausted.
Things that were easy for me have become so difficult, and I walk with heavy steps, as if in mud.
I want to pray, but I’m so easily distracted.
Lord Jesus, deep within me, in my spirit, I long and yearn to be with you, and to see you face-to-face.
But is this hidden yearning and longing enough?
I’m supposed to be living in expectation of your coming for us.
I’m supposed to be busy with your work, whilst awaiting your appearance.
The air is thick and dark as evil increases.
It’s so difficult to keep our lamps burning: what does it even mean?
I’m afraid: will I be ready for you, when that day arrives?
I don’t want to be left behind!
I don’t want you to tell me you never knew me!
Oh Lord Jesus, please revive me!
Please rekindle my love for you!
Please give me your strength: strength to overcome.
Please enable me to live for you.
It was relatively easy to do this not that long ago.
But now…..my daughter has cancer.
My other daughter is expecting twins, in less than ideal circumstances.
For my protection, I have gradually stopped seeing people I once considered friends.
Out of the few remaining ones, who is with me in watching for your return?
My longing is for you!
Nothing else satisfies me.
Nothing else truly matters.
Without you, my life is empty and meaningless.
You know I’m tired and weak.
You know I’m lonely.
You know my difficulties are overwhelming.
You know I’m grieving, feeling the heartache, pain and loss of my loved ones who are suffering.
You know it horrifies me when I think of the coming Tribulation, and the devastation that will strike everyone who is left behind.
You know I can’t bear the thought of persistent and endless torment in hell, for those who refuse the truth, who refuse YOU.
Is it enough, that you know my trials?
Have I done enough?
Or will I be left behind, to face your judgement?
Will you cast me aside?
Will you consider me unworthy of you?
I know I am unworthy.
I’m undeserving of your forgiveness and love.
Your judgment upon me would be warranted.
I deserve your wrath.
As I wrestle with my shortcomings, I recall:
You took my failure on the cross…..
You paid the penalty for my sin…..
You bore the judgement and wrath that I deserve…..
You suffered and died for me…..
You are alive and you love me!
I trust you Lord Jesus.
I trust in your salvation.
My faith is in YOU!
My life is yours!
As increasing darkness covers the earth and surrounds me, help me to keep my lamp burning.
As thick fog presses in, heavy with confusion, despair and doubt, help me to keep my eyes on you.
As the light grows dimmer, keep me shining for you.
I will not fear, for my hope is in you!
Without any warning, your trumpet will sound, splitting the air!
Without any warning, you will appear!
Looking up with joyous expectation, I will hear you call my name!
My flickering lamp will glow with increasing brightness!
Your flame of transformation will burn within me, turning my sadness into joy, my weakness into strength, and my brokenness into wholeness!
With my eyes transfixed on you, and shining like the sun, I will be lifted up, pulled safely out of the groping darkness and clinging fog, and brought swiftly before you!
Embraced with your love, in deep adoration, I will fall at your feet.
Filled with ecstasy and perfect peace, I will be forever fulfilled, in you!
The Narrow Way 